read through a friend's journal.
she's aint in any good state as compared to mine.

she prayed everynight.
so do i.

im silly you can say.
everynight, i'll repeat this
" i hope that one day, there's a chance. im deeply in love."
before i go to sleep.
i hold on to that special thing tight in my hands close to my chest
while getting into sleep.

making impossible wishes.
how can i have you back?
what if i could have you back?
i really want to have you back.

panic-ed when i felt that i wasn't grabbing onto the necklace halfway
through my sleep.
woke up, search through the dark.
cant find.
panic, sudden rush.
luckily i managed to find it during the early morning.
holding tight to it and back to sleep.

transferring photos of him, drawings he drew into my phone.
flipping through msg-es like never ending.

is there any ways where i can show it to you again?

all these aside.
i want to study hard and exams to be over asap.

it wont be easy.

however, i managed to make it to a point where
i can still focus on studying.
through there's time when i just released my tear gland
while studying.

exam papers, just come to me.
i'll fight a battle with you.

im holding risk at the same time.
risk that i may have to take in.

i know it well that
i will have disappointments.

but i'll still hold.


wasted trip to sch today.
nonetheless, studied with bren today in sch lib.

dididon.





it marked in the chapter.
as the saying goes what's done is done.
no point forcing.
end up to no good.
no point crying over spilled milk.
it doesn't help.

even if you used permanent marker to drew on smthg u shldn't,
there might be solutions to it.

it's like 死到领头才发现，
dont understand why people will be like that.
which i am one of them.

Fate gave me a wonderful big present which is him.
Fate gave me someone that's so good to me.
I'm so blessed and happy that fate gave me someone
so wonderful that i floated in the sky.
he is the only one that i poured and empty every single thing
in my bottle to him.
he is the only proper one that make me 100% comfortable to the extent
i do not need to wear a mask and be me myself.

however, i didn't appreciated it till the last moments.
i ruined it.
becos of this and that and whatsoever factors,
i'm like a tortoise in the shell.
dragging him in and down.
i ruined it once again.

when i finally wake up to my senses,
it's all too late.

thought that this time round, it will be a beautiful one.
a beautiful, long, peaceful, stable and good one.

took advantages of it.

what do i get in the end?

isn't sweet ripe fruit and results from the efforts we put in
but is pain i created myself, experiences and ugly lesson learnt.

people are weird. they always learnt their lessons after things happened.
even though there are so many books and storybooks on moral values
which forms phrases you and i often heard of.
but even when people know of all these before things happened,
they couldn't be bothered.
when things happened, then they learnt their lessons and blame themselves

now, it's not the matter of blaming myself and stuff.
i will prove to you and me
i hope for the hope.

i hope that my hope can be true
i hope that we can be back someday
i hope that you can be mine once again
my hope is to hope there's a chance and the word CAN
to the above.

if i were to be given one last chance,
i would be readily prepared, fully "studied and learnt for
my lesson" and treasure and take every single little things
seriously.

will you over time consider me?

i will prove to you and me.

no more bintan
no more touring ard singapore not by trains and bus
no more fireworks in another way
no more eating around
no more warmth-absorbing session

thankful that you're willing to stay around to be my listening ear
im contented.
really contented.

if i were to lose this pair of listening ear, i really do not know what to do.
cause there's no one only you fit to be my pair of ears.

i wonder if i got problems about you, who can i turn to?


for now, it's exams.
IPP which poorly located at tuas area. -.-
i somehow wished it's of better places.



i will prove to me and you.



house by the sea.

GUISHAN TAN
SPECIALLY FOR YOU.
LYRICS AND SONG ATTACHED IN MY BLOG

lol. :]

Doraemon theme song

konna koto ii na
dekitara ii na
anna yume konna yume ippai aru kedo

minna minna minna
kanaete kureru
fushigina POKKE de kanaete kureru
sora wo jiyuu ni tobitai na

(hai! takekoputaa!)

AN AN AN
tottemo daisuki
DORAEMON

shukudai touban shiken ni otsukai
anna koto konna koto taihen dakedo

minna minna minna
tasukete kureru
benrina dougu de tasukete kureru
omocha no heitai da

(sore! tototsugeki!)

AN AN AN
tottemo daisuki
DORAEMON

anna toko ii na
iketara ii na
kono kuni ano shima takusan aru kedo

minna minna minna
ikasete kureru
mirai no kikai de kanaete kureru
sekai ryokou ni ikitai na
(ufufufu... doko demo DOA!)

AN AN AN
tottemo daisuki
DORAEMON

AN AN AN
tottemo daisuki
DORAEMON